Problems in marriage do not mean the end of marriage. Happy marriages also have up and down but they settle their differences. You are part of solution to the problem in your marriage.  Many have killed their marriages because they refused to settle the differences. Do not give up on your marriage. Find a solution to what stresses and scares you.  People worked very hard to make their weddings colorful but they are doing little to keep their marriage working.   You don’t just grow a garden and leave it.  You must love and protect it.  The following are  some of causes of conflict in marriages.


1.Misunderstanding leads to quarrel. It can be a source of stress.  Listen to your partner and don’t neglect their opinion always cooperate.  Know what they like and hate. Ask instead of misinterpret things.  A patient person has great understanding (Prov14:29). Understanding will guard your marriage (Prov2:11). Don’t allow disagreement ruin your relationship.  Demonstrate wisdom, understanding, maturity and patience.

2.Lack of forgiveness makes a marriage painful.  It leads to sickness, bitterness, hatred, revenge and abuse.   When you don’t forgive you will curse each other. You will be angry against your partner. Dwelling in past cause more pain than happiness. Revive the past mistakes destroys.  Forgive you will be free and happy.  Forgive, God will also forgive you (Matt6:14).  It takes   humility and love to forgive, asks God the strength to forgive. Keeping a record of evil   will make you unhappy.

3.Lack of appreciation; everyone needs appreciation, your partner is not a slave, recognize their effort in marriage. Lack of appreciation discourages, demoralizes and depresses.  It kills dedication.  When a person is not appreciated, they   feel useless. People want to be where they are appreciated. If you don’t value your partner you can’t appreciate them. Your complain may do little but your compliment can change many things.  Thank, reward and compliment your partner (Prov31:28). Praise your partner, you will please them. Make it habit to appreciate your partner. Praise their beauty, character, effort and kindness (Songs1:15-16).

 4.Lack of respect; when you don’t respect your partner you will neglect, mistreat, accuse, hurt and humiliate them.  You become rude, and then your marriage becomes stressful.  Mistreating your partner is worse thing you can do.  They deserve respect. Speak and act with respect. Treat them as a king and queen you will get the best (Matt7:12).

5.Lack of love makes a marriage a dangerous place and anything bad can happen.  When you don’t love your partner, they become useless to you. Without love, your marriage will be a place of confusion, chaos and complain.  Where there no love there is fight, punishment, even death.  Where there is love there is peace, joy and commitment (1Cor13:4-8). Love and treasure your marriage. Don’t take it for granted. It is precious so protect it. Let your heart be where your treasure is (Matt6:21).  

6.Lack of intimacy leads to loneliness and boredom.  Be romantic. Walk together. Your love needs to be seen and felt.   Some married people are lonely. They end up opening up to strangers because they are partners do not care for them. Your partner needs you, be there for them otherwise you are stressing them. Where there is no intimacy there is no romance, where there is no romance there is no quality sex. A quality sex and romance enhance a marriage.

  1. Lack of communication leads frustration and discouragement. Share your feelings, fear, failure and fantasies with your partner. No one can read your mind. Communication, commitment, care and collaboration are keys to a successful marriage. Communication is very crucial. You can solve your problem if you agree to find a solution. Let your communication be full of maturity, wisdom and love.

8.Lack of knowledge leads to wrong decision.  Seek knowledge; read books on marriage, go to marriage seminars and get good advice.  Plan fail because of lack of advice (Prov15:22). People perish because of lack of knowledge (Hosea4:6). Ignorance leads to problems. Some think they know so they do not need to learn.  Stop being proud, be willing to learn.  You will be a better partner.   Pride destroys marriage. 

Lust or Love

Some married people are living in lust instead of developing love for their spouses. Lust never last but love last. Lust breaks but love builds. With lust you will mess but with love you will bless. Lust blinds you, leads you to in wrong waySay no to lust but say yes to love. Stop lusting start loving. Drink water from your own cistern (Prov5:15-23).

By Syaviha Mulengya
Tel:+254 722 539 397
Tel:+254 734 125 250



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